Meanwhile, our friend Dick Cunliffe suspects that the slugs are plotting revenge on mankind:

Cyril Slug sighed softly as he silently surveyed
The stern expressions of the slugs around the room arrayed;
Each single slug prepared to die to save the great Slug Nation
From the evil machinations of the Slug Ring Corporation.
A hush descended o'er the room as Colonel Cyril rose,
And sliding back his spectacles along his slimy nose,
He cleared the mucus from his throat and spoke with quiet precision
To the Special Service Sector of the Suicide Division:

"Dear Comrades," Cyril spluttered, "we've fought many a long campaign,
In broccoli and cabbage patch seen many comrades slain;
We've swum through lakes of lukewarm beer, we've trudged through salty sedge,
Through ash and coal pursued our goal of fresh green leafy veg;
At every step our footsteps dogged, our lives made living hell
By the cruel oppressive tyrants in the big stone citadel;
And now they've launched a brand new ploy to win this wicked war,
A deadlier contraption than they've ever used before -
Made of shiny metal, anti-slug and anti-slime,
Big high walls surround our grub, impossible to climb.

To reason with these gardeners we've tried many times before,
Left pleas for peace writ large and clear across the kitchen floor,
(Our joint Chiefs of Intelligence eventually agreed,
After hours of consultation, that they probably can't read!)
So with peaceful means exhausted, it pains me to report
That we have no other option but to use our last resort ...
Alas my friends, it's come to this, our one way to hit back
Is to instigate a desperate wave of suicide attacks.

Each night we'll slither to the house when nobody's about;
We'll leave our slimy signature on everything left out:
Toothpaste tubes with tops left off, the slimmer slugs will enter;
In toilet rolls we'll form a solid mass right down the centre;
We'll pack ourselves three-deep inside of every pair of shoes;
We'll show them not to mess with slugs who've nothing left to lose.
But as we slide towards all sorts of squishy, sordid death,
At least we'll know we fought for freedom till our final breath,
And all slugkind will one day sing our names in jubilation,
We few, we happy band of slugs, who fought the Corporation."